This past week I did something I never thought I would do. I
knew my summer was dragging and my motivation for cleaning the house had
severely dwindled. I was drowning in To-Do lists which grew larger every day.
The arguing between my family members was at an all-time high and I was looking
for a way out. So I did what any one would do…I went to BYU!
I saw the announcement in the Sunday sacrament program asking
for volunteers and thought “what the heck, I’ll give it a try.” I signed up to
host for 4 hours a day for 4 days at BYU education week. In exchange, I could
go to any of the other classes for free. I had no idea what I was in for but
hey, it was my ticket out. I thought for sure I would be sick to my stomach the
whole time I was romping around the enemy’s territory and for the first little
while I was nervous. But after the first two hours I was amazed at the spirit
and the kindness of the others I served with. The first day was a little
strange since the first class I hosted was about addiction and when the
instructor asked how many people were recovering and so many hands went up I
understood the reasons they weren’t so nice at the door. But when I got
switched to another class the following day I realized the Lord had another
plan for me.
While hosting the last three days I gained greater insight
and understanding for others. The people entering into my classroom were from
all over the U.S. and all had different agendas. Some were very kind and some
were rushed. Others just wanted to rush by, some sneak by, and then there were
those that were there every day diligently seeking knowledge and were so happy
and gracious I wanted to almost cry when they gave me a hug or smiled and said
thank you for helping them. I think that is when I turned a page.
This journey I was on was not only about me and gaining a
greater knowledge of the gospel but about me sharing what light I had with
others and them sharing theirs with me. I met some amazing people and went to some
amazing lectures. I was able to tailor my gospel learning to what I needed most
and after doing so I have grown more in the last week than I have in the last
five years.
I have truly felt that I had lost my way; that I would never
feel that strong overwhelming spirit guide me and teach me through gospel
learning. The last five years my ward, stake, and buildings have been in constant
change. We are now on our 7th ward and going on 2nd
stake. We have changed ward buildings 4 times and I am still in the same house.
Add all that in and my inability to make any lasting friendships and you
have one lost soul. I felt as though I was drifting away from where the spirit
could reach me. I just kept the saying in my head “Do the best you can until
you know better. Then when you know better, do better."- Maya Angelou
I am still in the same house but I feel as though I have
moved a million miles forward. I got a push from the Lord to do better and be
better. I’m not saying I came away from there converted to BYU. In fact, on the
last day, last class, the instructor was saying why he loved BYU and showed a
picture of a BYU football player and I had to choke down my vomit. I know where
my sports loyalties lie, GO Utes! But, the spiritual growth and learning and
experiences that I gained were so overwhelming that I cannot deny that being on
campus and going to those classes were where I needed to be at that time.
I thought I’d lost it but the Holy Ghost is still here
guiding me and the Lord still loves me and has a plan and a place for me. My
future is still not mapped out. My to-do list is still here, but my resolve and
my heart is full enough to get me through what I can do today.
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